Old Age - Bucket Listing

I remember once hearing a definition of old age (or it might be of past-it-tedness) that from that one particular moment in time you suddenly realise you will very probably not sleep with anybody new ever again. This is not simply a question of fidelity and monogamy although both are relevant but more about the options that expand or contract as we move through life. Perhaps it is concerned with possibilities or probabilities and no-one accepts that individuals are guaranteed to never make a mistake, walk on the wild side or play away (pick your own euphemism) but it is seriously unlikely that the latest Hollywood starlet (that shows my age to begin with) will want to help me tidy my attic. Test cricket watching is not very likely to raise their temperature either (although Val for some strange reason thinks Andrew Strauss is cute; as she does Jason Statham although I suspect that impulse may originate from a different section of the cerebral cortex).

These concepts of shared interests and lifestyle compromises imply that even if our hero had a body like a Greek God then certain avenues of exploration were, shall we say, closing relatively quickly. Now in reality with a waistline like the Tropic of Capricorn and a hairstyle in which the term Fringe can no longer be deemed believable it would need something special to draw anybody to look at my etchings.

So attention mysteriously shifts to what we would like to do if our days were numbered and we knew it to be so. One possibility is to purchase all those books such as 1001 paintings to see before you die and use this as the guidebook towards self-satisfaction before destruction. Of course using a book means that the agenda is already set. In fact these are someone else's choices and reflect their tastes not necessarily yours. Indeed perhaps we should already have been working through the books year by year as we approached the heavenly terminus or you can cherry pick which parts you wish to partake of although you would risk being left thinking if only I'd had time to... The same goes for Albums you must hear (subdivided into a separate sister publication of 1001 Classical Recordings to also hear). The publishing boom continues; 1001 Historic sites to visit, 1001 buildings to see, 1001 Gardens to go to, 1001 Natural Wonders,1001 movies to watch, 1001 Paintings, 1001 foods to try and even bizarrely 1001 things to spot in Fairyland. All before you die. All those experiences and so little time. If you are not too tired by this strenuous activity on the borders of ultimate incapacitation then one could take a less structured response.

I do not drive so travelling down Route 66 won't work. I have no money so visiting the Pyramids of Giza or anywhere outside Sheffield city centre is unlikely. The most likely scenario is to buy the above-mentioned books and look at the pictures. But it doesn't quite fit the dynamic impact pattern that we are looking for. Therefore in terms of experiential learning ; sleeping with supermodels is out, travel and variety are out and that leaves only two potential shots at immortality left. The first is achieved already. All life's experiences might be waiting for Carrie, my daughter and her fame, power, glory, achievement all reflect on us, her parents. On the other hand if she descends into a life of sin and depravity then similarly that is also down to us. And then there was one.

The final act in one's life when all other options are spent is to indulge in a purely personal relationship with Art. It definitely does not guarantee lasting fame or wealth but it can be unique and immensely satisfying. To create Art. Creativity. Whatever the art is; from Abstract expressionism to Zoological illustration, from doodling in the margins to monstrous conceptual installations towering over the little ants below it. On my bucket list are two entries - to be happy and to create something that is mine. The two may go together (but they may not) and Art is, of course, a fickle mistress. Now that I am 50 I have served my apprenticeship. As the school report once said and paraphrasing it slightly Christopher's work is "not bad but could do much better". 1001 paintings to paint before you die. 1001 Virgins to deflower. 1001 attempts to read Ulysses. 1001 books copying the Da Vinci code formula. 1001 Muesli recipes. 1001 religions to offer the truth.

Art, literature, Creativity, Style ; They are all about making a mark on something. How and Why is up to the individual.